


You Don't Know Me

by NCISVU



Category: NCIS
Genre: Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 15:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NCISVU/pseuds/NCISVU
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jealousy, heartache and a moment of bravery changes Gibbs and Tony's lives forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Don't Know Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [josgotglock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/josgotglock/gifts).



Soft Christmas music played in the background while small groups of important people socialized in the large, professionally decorated mansion that housed the newest Secretary of the Navy. The women wore elegant gowns with expensive, shimmering jewelry to match and the men wore suits. Some had removed their jackets for a more casual look while others opted to keep theirs on. 

Tony was one of the men who'd opted to keep his on, mainly out of convenience. He snagged another glass of champagne off a passing tray, even though he didn't really like champagne. Maybe mixed with some orange juice and turned into a mimosa for brunch but he wasn't really big on brunch anymore either. 

“Why are you hiding in the corner?”

Tony looked over as Abby wrapped her hand around his arm. “Not hiding,” he replied, “just stayin' out of the way.”

Abby propped her chin on Tony's shoulder and looked in the direction he'd been looking when she'd snuck up on him. “You should talk to him,” she said.

“Who?”

“You know who.”

Tony looked back at the man he'd been watching all night and found him laughing at something the SecNav had said while a beautiful woman hung onto his arm. He'd been smiling and laughing all night. Tony had been watching him since the minute he'd arrived. He'd watched as the tension in his shoulders eased and he relaxed, he'd watched his eyes light up as he introduced his date and he'd watched the woman attach herself to him and not let go. 

The more he watched, the more his heart broke. 

He wanted to be the one who made Gibbs' face light up. He wanted to make him laugh and more than anything, he wanted to be the one hanging onto the man's arm. Instead he was stuck playing the same role he played at work. He got to be the one Gibbs grumbled at, the one who put Gibbs in his place if and when he needed it. He got to be the person on the receiving end of Gibbs' head slaps—not that he didn't like those, because he really did. 

The problem wasn't with work, though. The problem was their relationship outside of work. Tony wanted something different, something _more_. Oh, did he ever want something more but as he watched his clueless boss from across the room, it became apparent that wasn't going to happen. Gibbs and his world class gut were supposed to be tuned into everything but Tony doubted the man really knew him at all, even if Gibbs thought he did.

“Why don't you go talk to him?” Abby prodded. 

“I don't know,” Tony replied. He refused to admit to being scared; to feeling like a shy girl in her freshman year of high school trying to find the courage to ask some hunky boy out... nobody needed to know about that. 

“Did you ever consider Gibbs might be keeping his distance for the same reason?” Abby asked, patting his shoulder and offering him a sympathetic smile before leaving him to think about what she'd said.

Tony watched her walk away before taking a polite sip of his champagne and letting his eyes wander back to Gibbs... so close but yet so far away.

Thirty minutes later Tony had made his way around the large room and found himself tucked away in a different, not quite so isolated corner. He'd talked to a handful of people but mostly sampled hors d'oeuvres and people watched. Or, more accurately, person watched. He was only interested in one face in the crowded room. 

He was working on another glass of champagne when Gibbs and the mystery woman approached him. He offered a pathetic smile and tried to act normal, not like someone who'd been lurking in the shadows and spying on the couple all evening.

“What're ya hidin' out in the corner for, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked, extending his arm for a handshake.

Tony studied the hand being offered before reaching out and grabbing onto it, trying not to look at Gibbs' girlfriend—the competition. “Not really my kind of party, Boss.”

“There's booze,” Gibbs said, holding up a tumbler of bourbon. “Why are you drinking champagne? You hate champagne.”

Tony looked at the tall, skinny, glass of bubbly liquid in his hand and smiled. “I don't know,” he said with a shrug. “I don't know what I'm doing.”

Gibbs traded him the champagne for his bourbon before introducing him to Vanessa, his date. _DiNozzo, friend and partner._ The words were rolling on a loop in his mind and it took a moment before he realized Gibbs was studying him.

“You alight, DiNozzo?”

 _No, I love you._ I _wanna be your date. Get rid of Vanessa and choose me. Hold me. Love me. I wanna be your everything, because you're my everything._ “I'm fine, Boss. 'little tired, I guess.” Tony watched as Gibbs narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing him even more before giving a satisfied nod. Apparently he'd bought it—the lie. Another lie. Another small piece of his soul. Another chunk of his aching, broken heart.

“Get some sleep, DiNozzo.”

“Sure thing, Boss.”

As the party started winding down, the happy couple made their way towards the door. Tony emptied the last of the bourbon in the tumbler Gibbs had given him in one, burning gulp as he watched his _friend_ and _partner_ help his date, Vanessa, with her coat. Vanessa... the one who could make Gibbs smile and laugh, the one who made his face light up, the one who was standing in Tony's place at Gibbs' side. Vanessa, the luckiest girl in the world.

 _Maybe Gibbs is scared too_. Wouldn't it be nice if it was that simple. _Why couldn't it be?_ “Ugh, get outta my head, Abby,” he muttered under his breath. 

“I'm not in your head,” Abby said, bouncing to a stop beside him.

“Yes you are,” Tony replied angrily. He whipped his head around in her direction and immediately looked ashamed. Even he was surprised by his outburst. “Sorry.”

“Tony,” Abby reached down and took his hand in hers, “you need to talk to him.”

Tony stared at her, finally willing to consider it.

“Go!” Abby said. “Hurry up before he leaves!”

Tony could feel his heart start racing as he stared at his friend. Before he even realized what was happening, his feet were carrying him out of the house at a dead run. He looked around the large circle drive and spotted Gibbs just getting into his car on the far side.

“Boss,” he called as he raced towards him. When Gibbs didn't hear him Tony yelled even louder, “Gibbs!”

Gibbs looked up and when he saw Tony hurrying towards him he stepped out of his car. “Dinozzo, what the—”

“You're making a mistake,” Tony interrupted. “You may not know me, but I know you.” He saw the slightly confused expression on Gibbs' face but he was too worked up to stop. He was doing it—finally doing it and he couldn't lose momentum. Gibbs would catch on soon enough. 

“I know your favorite thing to do on a night off work is go down to your basement and work on your boat and not because you're a recluse or antisocial but because that's how your process everything; it's how you make sense of the world. I know there are very few people on this planet you feel comfortable opening up to but you're the person everyone comes to when they need to talk and you'll gladly listen to them all night long if that's what it takes. 

“I know when you're not okay,” he continued. “I know your biggest fear is letting someone get too close and then losing them again so you protect yourself by shutting everyone out. I know every February 28 you go visit your girls and you take them flowers, a daisy for Kelly because it makes you think of purity and innocence and happiness and that sums up your daughter to a T. A gladiolas for Shannon because they were her favorite and they remind you of what a strong woman she was.”

“I know you hate being recognized as a hero because you were just doing your job and you don't feel like you deserve a drawer full of awards for that. You prefer salty snacks over sweet. Comfort, to you, is a pair of worn in work pants and an old long sleeve t-shirt. Your favorite pizza is pepperoni and onion. You only go upstairs to shower and for all the coffee you drink every day, you don't even own a coffee pot. I know you better than anyone else, Gibbs, because I care. I care about you.” The brave declaration of love had gotten lost somewhere in his impromptu speech but Tony hoped Gibbs understood what he was trying to say. “I just thought you should know.”

Gibbs stared at Tony for a moment before closing the car door behind him. “I know you come over and sit in my basement with me when you think I'm not okay,” he said. 

Tony looked up, surprised for more than one reason by what Gibbs had just said.

“You're almost always right.” Gibbs watched Tony carefully as he continued. “I know you escape by playing your guitar. You put whatever you're feeling into your music and it always makes you feel better.” He smiled at the surprised look on Tony's face. “I know you rarely visit your mother's grave because you never know what to say but you talk to her all the time because she still feels very close to you. I know how badly you want children but after spending the last several years watching me try to pick up the pieces after losing my daughter, you're scared you won't be able to protect yours.”

“I know you pretend to care about things you have no interest in so people won't know what you really care about,what really matters to you. You hide yourself behind all those fancy clothes because you think what's under them isn't good enough, but it is, Tony. You may be the office movie buff but you prefer reading. You take a nap every Sunday afternoon. Every Christmas you go to Shady Brook Retirement Home and play Christmas carols for the residents. You refuse to use a shopping cart when you go to the store. If you can't carry it or fit it in a basket, you don't buy it. You cut your fingernails whenever you start seeing any white. You doodle on anything and everything. I've been paying attention to you too, Tony, but you're right. I don't know you—not as well as I thought I did.” He turned, opened the door to his car and slid into the driver's seat before looking back up at Tony again. “I just have one question.”

“Hmm?”

“Are you sure you know me as well as you think you do?” Gibbs watched for a moment as Tony processed the question then closed the door, started the car and sped off. 

Tony watched as Gibbs' car disappeared into the darkness, unsure what to make of the conversation they'd just had.

**NCIS | NCIS | NCIS | NCIS**

Tony sat on his couch in a pair of comfortable, flannel pajama pants and a thermal, long sleeve shirt. The electric fireplace added to the ambiance of the room and provided just enough warmth to keep his bare feet comfortable while he thought back over his evening. The courage from Abby's prodding and the boldness from the adrenaline rush caused by chasing after Gibbs had faded, leaving behind the conversation he'd had with Gibbs playing on a loop in his head. 

Gibbs had certainly proved he'd been paying attention, but paying attention and truly knowing someone were two different things. Still, Gibbs had picked up on the little things that most people didn't notice. He understood things that other people never would but what did it all mean? Had his little outburst been a mistake? Was not confessing _everything_ the mistake? Had he just blown another opportunity to finally lay everything on the table?

“It was stupid to pull that stunt in front of his date, wasn't it, Kate?”

The fish swam happily in her bowl, oblivious to Tony's suffering. 

“Bet I blew his chance to get laid tonight. He might hate me for it but I'm not sorry.” He watched his pet swim in her bowl. “That's selfish of me. I'm a selfish bastard. Maybe I need two Bs in my name. You're lucky, Kate. You don't have to deal with all this complicated human crap. Not anymore at least.” 

He wanted Gibbs to be happy, wanted it more than anything, but _he_ wanted to be the one who made Gibbs happy. Maybe it was time to just accept the fact that that was never going to happen and move on. He was acting like a high schooler, watching from the shadows and declaring his love in front of the other person's date. What was wrong with him? It was time to either man up or move on.

There was a knock at the door but Tony didn't budge from the couch. It was probably just his obnoxious neighbor and he didn't feel like talking to anyone—especially her. Whoever it was knocked again and moments later there was a key turning the lock and the door was being opened. Tony glanced towards the entryway and was surprised by who he saw.

“Gibbs, what're you doing here?”

“Why didn't you answer the door?”

“I thought you were the bloodhound from across the hall.” It didn't escape Tony that Gibbs had gone home and changed. Instead of the suit he was in a comfortable pair of jeans and a flannel shirt layered over a long sleeve tee. Flannel was making a comeback but it had always looked good on Gibbs. It was the kind of thing that made Tony want to cuddle up in front of the fireplace together and watch TV all night. “Sorry I screwed up your chances of, you know, with Vanessa.”

“Ya don't look sorry,” Gibbs said, moving a throw pillow out of the way and sitting down next to Tony. He drew one leg up onto the couch so he could comfortably turn and face Tony.

“Uh, I'm not, really, but I was trying to be nice or something.”

“I had no intention of crawling into bed with Vanessa, Tony.”

“You didn't?” Tony asked curiously. “I mean, that's none of my business,” he corrected quickly.

“You try so hard,” Gibbs said with amusement.

“Boss?”

“Jethro.”

“Huh?”

“We're not at work. Call me Jethro.”

Tony nibbled at his lip, trying to figure out what was going on. Why was Gibbs there?

“Don't chew on your lip,” Gibbs said, reaching up and gently removing Tony's lower lip from between his teeth. He let his thumb graze across Tony's lips before resting his hand in his lap again. “I've spent years trying to uncover the mystery that's Tony DiNozzo, Tony, and I thought I was making good progress but I guess I missed something, didn't I?”

“Well, in all fairness, I like to think I kept it hidden pretty well.”

“Look at me,” Gibbs said when Tony started playing with his fingers. “Tell me.”

“What?”

“No planned speeches, no grand gestures after chasing me across the lawn, just talk to me, Tony.”

“I'm scared,” Tony whispered, looking away again.

Gibbs tucked a finger under Tony's chin, once again drawing his attention back. “It's just me,” he said with a comforting smile.

“I want you to be happy but it hurts to see you with all those other people.”

“You say that like there's been a lot,” Gibbs said when Tony hesitated.

“Each one feels like a hundred,” Tony said. “I wanna be the one that makes you happy, Gibbs. Is that selfish?”

“Jethro and it might be a little selfish but I understand it.”

“You do?”

“How do you think I feel when I get a genuine smile outta you?” Gibbs reached over and brushed his fingertips across Tony's hand. When Tony didn't pull away, he covered Tony's hand with his own and squeezed. 

Tony wrapped his fingers around Gibbs' and tried to process what was happening. “You're not mad?”

Gibbs shook his head. “But I wish I woulda known.”

“You stayin'?” Tony asked with a hopeful smile. “We could do popcorn and a movie or something.”

“Spend Christmas with me,” Gibbs said. 

“But you're going away.”

“You have plans?”

“Well, no, but I just didn't, um, think that...”

“You didn't think I'd want to spend the time with you?” Gibbs asked.

Tony shrugged. “Pretty much.”

Gibbs smiled as he rested his arm on the back of the couch and toyed with locks of hair at the base of Tony's neck. “You thought wrong,” he said softly.

“Are you sure?”

“Wouldn't have asked if I wasn't.”

“What about Vanessa?”

“She's not invited.”

Tony smiled. “Okay, but only if you stop wasting time and kiss me already.”

Gibbs drew Tony closer to him and rubbed noses before tilting his head, opening his mouth slightly and meeting him in their first kiss.

**End.**


End file.
